I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.