my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.