After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.