i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
