I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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