Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So many bounce houses so little time
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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