never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
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I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
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She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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