Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
