he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
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I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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