so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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