That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
