Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
