you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
