so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she smelled like a LAN party
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize