Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Girls should come with a carfax report
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
