I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
