walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
