I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
