my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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