I wish life had little blips of pornography
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
