Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
