how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
you never un-have a 4some
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
So. Much. Porn.
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