Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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