Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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