Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
