i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
