hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
