I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
