So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
