i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
