So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
