She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
