we're blogging at a bar
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
