sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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