i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
