Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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