I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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