I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
