I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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