you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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