Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize