I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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