not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Every concussion has its silver lining
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
