My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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