I think my vagina is haunted
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
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