ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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