How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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