She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Can I color on your dick again?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
