i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
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his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
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the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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