pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
