if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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