Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
