I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
