id be glad to
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
