Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
