i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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