Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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