Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
