He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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