My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
