I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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