you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
