i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
