pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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