this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
