No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
and she was petting her beer can
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
