He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
