just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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