I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
