a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
