you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
