don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
