I want to have your abortion
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The power of my boobs compel you
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
