Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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