me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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