I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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