A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
