I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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