Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
