I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
bring money and cleavage
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
