walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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