i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
