I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
