Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
