I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
