ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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