i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
