i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
