my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
